I Will Follow You into the Dark
by marsh king's daughter
Summary: They're all connected, and when one of the trio is lost forever the others slowly begin to fade as well.  RikuxSora, implied SoraxKairi Yaoi and character death, oneshot, Riku's POV.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Kingdom Hearts, and if I did, things that happen in this story would never ever happen, I swear. O.O ….Except maybe the sex. But not like that. XD

**Warnings:**Character death, brief language, not-all-that-graphic yaoi, and…um…slightly disturbing content? Basically, if you're looking for puppies and rainbows and lollipops, please don't read this.

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_I Will Follow You into the Dark_

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I still don't know how it happened.

She was just lying there on the beach when we found her, perfectly still, skin pale and ashen and cold, so, so, cold.

I know this because I had to pry you away from her when you let out a cry of anguish and rushed forward, trying to hold her and kiss her and letting your endless confessions of love fall upon deaf ears.

But I dragged you away and pressed your head against my chest, not wanting you to see her that way, the way that would haunt you in your dreams and would be reflected in your eyes for the rest of your life. You tried to fight me at first, tried to go to her, but I wouldn't let you, and finally you fell against me and let your body heave with little sobs, while all I could say was, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

I still don't know how it happened, but it broke you.

You don't smile anymore. You never smile, but I don't think you realize this because the only thing you're sure of now is that she's gone, and she won't be coming back.

The last words that you said to me, on the day of the funeral, was that she told you she would love you forever, be with you forever.

In the end, I guess "forever" is just an empty promise.

It's hard to get you to eat now. You don't even react when I open the door to your room, carrying a tray of food into the darkness. You won't turn the lights on anymore, either. When I tried to the first time a few weeks ago, you started screaming and crying and hitting me until finally I flicked the switch back down, tears falling down my own cheeks. I wonder if you're trying to follow her into the dark. I wonder if you believe that there's nothing good left in this world, no warmth and light for you to feel safe in.

I place the food on your bedside table, and you still don't move, a statue on the edge of your bed. When I crouch down facing you, your eyes only meet mine in a blank, lifeless stare.

I don't think you even see me anymore, and when I realize this, it hurts to breathe.

"Sora…Sora, please eat. Please, you have to," I say hoarsely. I've lost count of how many times I've told you this.

I do think you hear me, because sometimes your bottom lip gives just the slightest tremble at the tone of my voice, and I think you know that you're hurting me.

They say that the will to eat is the will to live. I wonder how the boy you once were, so pure and loving and vivacious could ever have lost the will to live.

I don't know how it happened, Sora, but I wish it would end.

You're small and thin now, and your skin has lost its sun-kissed glow. You were so strong, and now you're so breakable, so delicate, and sometimes I think that if I even tried to hug you, you would shatter in my arms.

All I do know is that you're not my Sora anymore.

"Please, please, Sora, just eat this for me," I beg, and I don't think I'm the same Riku anymore, either. It's impossible for me to be the same Riku when everyday I'm afraid that when I walk into this dark little bedroom, you'll be taken away from me as well.

I push a spoonful of soup against your cracked, dry lips, but they don't budge, and suddenly I've reached the breaking point, and I'm screaming at you, and the tray falls to the floor and when I stand up, pulling at my hair, there are shards of glass poking through my skin but I can barely feel it, Sora, I can barely feel anything anymore.

And you don't even blink.

Then I'm half-sobbing, half-laughing, and I don't know why I'm laughing at all. They say that insane people don't actually know that they've lost their minds, but I still think it's a definite possibility.

"Is everything else in the world not enough for you? Your friends, your family, your home? Am _I_ not enough for you, Sora? If I died, too, would you even give a fuck, or is everything already dead to you? Does existence just come to an end with one girl, one stupid, fucking girl?"

It's not what I want to say. It's not what I want to say at all, but I don't know what else there is to say anymore.

And then you give the slightest nod, and I can't even hear your voice but I can see your mouth forming the word "yes".

My heart stops. It's like your simple denial of my existence is all that it takes for it to come true, and I'm not sure I'm even afraid of death anymore, because I've already been surrounded by it for the past thirty-five days.

"I love you. Did you know? Did you have any idea that before you even knew her, I've been in love with you?" I say. But it doesn't sound like my voice, it sounds like somebody else is speaking for me, somebody far, far away.

I run. There's nothing else for me to do but run, to get out of that dark bedroom where I watch a piece of you die everyday.

The glass sinks further into my feet with each step, and then there's sand and salt and it should hurt, it should hurt so much but I think when you're already dead nothing hurts anymore.

I'm at the place where she died, standing in the exact same spot and I know because there's not a single part of that day that I've forgotten, and I don't know how to forget, I don't know how to let go.

I don't return to your house for a few days. Your mother's called a few times, but I think she's lost as much hope as the both of us.

When I do enter your room, it's different. The lights are still off, but this time you're sitting on the foot of your bed with your legs curled tightly to your chest and your arms wrapped around yourself. You're trembling so badly that the springs are squeaking underneath what little weight you have left, but this time when I walk in you look up and you see me, you see me for the first time since you saw her.

You open your mouth and you're trying so hard to speak, so hard to tell me something but the sound isn't coming out and all I do is stand in the doorway because I'm afraid that if I hold you, you'll shatter.

A raw, scratchy sound comes out, but I can't tell if it's a word or not. Your eyes stay locked on mine, and they're pleading and sorrowful and I can't remember how long it's been since we could understand each other with just a single glance.

"Riku," you croak finally. It doesn't sound like you. I don't know why these strange people keep speaking for us, but they're there, somewhere in that dark little room that feels like death.

"Th-thought…thought you…would-wouldn't come…back," you say. It takes a long time, but I'm hanging off of your every word, because I never know when you'll say your last.

"I-I'm…sor…sorry," you tell me, and I notice that your voice is shaking just as badly as your body. "Please…don't l-leave me…please, Riku, please, I'm…sorry…so sorry," you gasp, and you're crying and I don't want you to cry but I think it's the first time you've felt anything in such a long, long time.

And then I do hold you, because I think I'm just as ready to shatter as you are.

You uncurl yourself and wrap your arms around me instead, and then your chapped, trembling lips are pressing themselves to me cheek, my jaw, my lips, my neck, and I freeze because I don't understand, and I don't want to. Then you're kissing my eyelids softly, because I'm crying now, and I don't understand why.

And I don't want to understand, so I kiss you back, I kiss you back and we fall down on the squeaky mattress, and in that dark little room that feels like death, we feel alive.

I don't know if you ever did this with her, but you don't seem to be afraid. But I don't think anybody who's not afraid of death is afraid of sex, because I'd rather feel something than nothing at all. So I fumble with your pajamas and you don't protest, and then I see your heaving chest, pale and too skinny, too fragile, but I can feel your heart beating and I think I've forgotten what it's like to feel your heartbeat.

I kiss your neck, and you let me, you let me fill you with warmth for the first time since you touched her cold, cold skin. You pull me closer, and I think you've forgotten what it's like to touch someone, someone full of warmth and life. I think we both have.

You start tugging at the hem of my shirt and I let you, I let you lift it up over my head and let it fall forgotten to the floor, probably on top of the shards of glass, as our lips find each other again and our tongues dance.

But you quickly let me take over, and I know that you're weak, and I know that I should stop and make you eat and drink, but I know that if I do that then it will feel like death again, and I hate myself for this but right now, just this once, I want to feel alive, because I know that it will never, ever happen again.

And then you're gasping, moaning, and it's my name on your lips and I wonder if maybe right now, just this once, you've forgotten about her, but I know that it won't happen, not even once.

You feebly buck your hips against mine as I suck on a sensitive spot on your neck, instinct winning over strength because you just want to feel something, anything besides the darkness and the suffocation and the memory of her cold, cold, skin, always on your fingertips.

I'm breathing heavily now, grinding down against you with little hesitation, because every second that passes we're losing more time, and I won't wait for you to realize that this is wrong, and that I'm not the one you want. I won't wait for you to shatter into a million tiny pieces that will prick my skin and then I'll feel it, I'll feel it because it's you, Sora, it's you and I've loved you my entire life and I don't know how to stop.

Your boxers pool around your ankles, and a trail of kisses is falling down your body, between your thighs and you cry out, and there is no uncertainty in your voice anymore, and it's_ your_ voice again, not the stranger's.

It's my first time, but my body knows what it's doing, my tongue knows how to make you moan and tremble and gasp my game. And you do, you do until finally you can't take it anymore, and with a shudder and a yell you release yourself into my mouth, and then my lips find yours again, and you don't care that you're tasting yourself on my tongue, you just want to feel alive.

And I just want you.

My lips stay on yours as my fingers slip inside, and I distract you as you writhe and hiss in discomfort. You wrap your arms around my neck, little fingernails digging into my skin, and I can feel it but I don't care if it hurts.

Then I can't wait anymore, because with every second we're drawn closer to the end, and so I take you, and we're both panting and moaning and gasping, and never before have we ever felt so alive and never again will we.

When I finally collapse on top of you, I kiss you softly on the forehead and tell you again that I love you, because I need to do it properly, just once, just once before it's all over. And you smile at me, you smile and I can't even believe it and there are tears streaming down my face and I kiss you again and again as you start to doze off, and then my endless confessions of love fall upon your deaf ears. You smiled that night, and it was your last smile, because when morning came and just the faintest glow of light streamed through that dark little room that felt like death, your eyes never opened.

Fin.

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**Author's Notes: ** Um. Okay. I'm kind of in shock right now, because I have absolutely no idea where _that_ little bucket of angst came from. And yeah, I also feel like a pervert even though it was like barely graphic at all. But that's because I can't even type the word "erection" without blushing and giggling and immediately reaching for the backspace key. XD Wow. Okay. I just officially killed the mood of this story. But yeah that's pretty much always happens with my a/n. Hehe.

Review please? I seriously want to know what people think of this, because I have no idea myself. o.o I'm a happy person, I tell you. Angstiness is generally not my cup of tea, but there it is. Hopefully it's somebody else's.

-Emmy xoxo


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